I believe that one must not forget any pain that they have faced, inflicted by those they trusted and loved, opened up to – but I also believe that one must have the strength and courage to not hold a grudge. Catholic morals say forgive but some people are beyond being forgiven – that’s when you need strength and courage when you can’t let go of feelings of anger or resentment towards those who’ve knowingly and purposefully wronged you. Malicious intent. Malicious intent means the person acted wilfully or intentionally to cause harm, without legal justification. Whether that is adult bullying? In black-n-white, well, there is yet to be any legal definition of bullying. So if psychological harassment is a part of malicious intent or not… that is always a question. Most lawyers would say: it is not. Yet covert abuse is “psychological intimidation or harassment, which includes: making statements which are false, malicious, disparaging, derogatory, rude, disrespectful, abusive, obnoxious, insubordinate, or which have the intent to hurt others’ reputations.” Some memories will always remain vivid – forgetting pain is something perhaps Saintly and am no Saint. I can stop holding a grudge but I cannot forget how I was made to feel at that moment, in that context of time-line. It is rather sad – when you come to think of it, perhaps why I named this post “two years since…”
Two years since… I remember seeing young dads with their babies, and moms seated by brunch table as we walked around in Basel. Smiling faces everywhere, laughter, coo-ing of babies in cute bonnie-hats, while it was being laid thick on me that I will never be a mother. “Just the two of us” – he said, and I wondered in awe – inflated ego does this human have to think he is starring in “Sex & the City”!?
This is a post to remind myself and women who became mother after facing a lot of psychological harassment coming from a place of malicious intent perhaps – it is to remind us of self-worth, of happiness. To look deep into our heart and let it connect to our brain – we are formidable.
Health, partner, acquaintances, society – somehow I have overcome every bit of obstacle thrown at me the past two years. I have overcome it all – reminding myself that rising like a phoenix is not only a matter of courage but has to be hardwired to your sense of survival. Doing the right thing is never ever easy. And you cannot always get a standing ovation for doing it correct.
So to all those unwed, or single moms out there, working hard for their babies – it is time to feel fulfilled. The strength that you hold is beyond imagination. Give credit to yourself for holding up your head every day and going forward. Even when you stagger you hide it so beautifully. Being a mother is hard enough hence I wish that motherhood should only come to those who long for it. If, as the internet says, motherhood is a state in which one experiences maternal roles – let me tell you this: the work of a mother is not limited to her child. As hard as it is – often it lines up as unheralded work – which includes putting in so much more work in the relationship as well. Please know that it is worth it. It is worth every bit of it then, now, and forever. And all of you unwed-single moms out there, who depend on themselves and have no rock to lean on, it shows your strength. Even when you don’t see it for yourself. To you I raise my glass.
As for us, Dan-the-man stepped in and said he will take little Tiger off our hands for a day, so that Schild and I can have a date-day, I was thrilled. My best-friend and his girl took care of baby boy on Saturday. And Mothers Days celebration lasted the whole weekend for me! Our date-day was like when we had just started to get to know each other in August-September 2021. I will never forget the first time I talked to him – early July? We both were heartbroken, annoyed, and yet somehow we bonded over much. Sometimes we forget how similar we are, and how happy we both can make eachother. Now, two years since, Mother’s Day. This weekend acted as a reminder. It was so much happiness and laughter, joy that the heart couldn’t believe could exist. And through tiredness (teething period of babies when they sync with 11month sleep regression – you’ve got yourself a double bonanza), through ups and downs of emotions – we are here. Still. A team. Two people in love glued together by that one person who made Mother’s Day a celebration for me, and Father’s Day a celebration for him.
The most precious gift.
Our child.
ANTHROPOLOGY OF LOVE 