Affirmation to carry on from 2021 – “I should accept infinite disappointments but never lose infinite hope.”
I did not get to know I am pregnant. I did not look at my test. I was sure I couldn’t conceive without IVF. That’s what the doctors said. 2020 December ended with the news that I can’t be pregnant naturally. It has to be assisted. I was heartbroken but I diverted my misery and spent my 31st sipping on Hibiki Harmony Master’s Select Kacho Fugetsu Edition (a gift from my dad) and chatting with my ex who was love-bombing me from CH while I was cooped up in my room in IN.
October 2021 when I missed my period, I said to Schild with tears in my eyes – “there goes my hormones, I will never be a mom.” He was somehow convinced otherwise.
So we bought a pregnancy test, and early in the morning – as the instructions go – I urinated on the test strip. Capped it and kept it aside. Then I sneaked back in bed.
He asked – “do you look or do I look?”
I said, “you look. I am just preparing myself to see my gynaecologist tomorrow. If nothing, there’s still the option to adopt. I can still be a mom someday.”
So he looked. Asked me “one line means you are not pregnant and two lines… you are… right?”
“Right”, I replied.
“You are pregnant.”
Gist: I was shocked and he cool. Perhaps that’s the hope I needed.