Day 78: Battles and Duties – The Single Woman’s Diary

Had a call with Ro on Wednesday. She was genuinely mad at me for not calling her back after 17’s… After 5 mins of yelling at each-other we both calmed down and I updated her with everything I’ve gone through since March. Including the parts I don’t write about on my blog – work, inter-personal relationships, and student association things.

After hearing it all she said: “wow, I had no idea. You went through all that, without family around you, without having any support system, and you are still standing! It is us who are used to always having you around, when we fall you are there for us, if we are hurting we know we can talk to you, we are used to running to you all the time. So when 17 died, not hearing from you – cause you two were so close, and you two were together in High School – it made me hate you a bit. But I had no idea that you were going through all this. Why didn’t you say something?”

It, all of a sudden, makes sense. The person who is unconditionally there for all is expected to be there all the time – and not take a well deserved distance or break when everyone and everything becomes overwhelming. It is a thankless but, for me a, satisfying thing to be there for my friends and family without questioning their motives. And I realised that my presence has conditioned them in a way that they know it is okay to rely on me, but then when I am in trouble or when I am facing problems cause these same individuals would rather talk behind my back than confront me and sort out issues – I have no one I can truly rely on. Which is a sad reminder perhaps, that inside of every person we think we know, there is a person we don’t know.

I read in many kitsch social media posts for motivational quotes: “God gives his toughest battles to his strongest soldiers.” I feel friends give the maximum shit and grief to the one person they subconsciously know they can always rely on, the one person they know will always have their back.

And so I do my duties.

.

On a lighter note:

Dan-the-man: (sends me a photo)

Nespresso shop will move down the street, by that tui pilar..

Me: Why?

Dan-the-Man: They became of age and moved out of their parents home? The fuck do I know. But the current situation in Manor is pretty sad up there on the 2nd floor.

Me: Ah! They wanted limelight shining brightly on them “Brightly”… not through cracks and edges of Manors’ middle ground. Middle child issues. Understood.

Dan-the-Man: Usually the stepchild gets the attic space.

Me: They also get the incest.

Dan-the-Man: *sends a meme “what are you doing Step-Cat?”*