Day 34: To want or to not want – The Single Woman’s Diary

I have to give myself credit for how much I like communicating with people and yet, of-late, I just feel like taking a full-on break from all communications and just sleep. I don’t feel angry, agitated, or depressed – I just feel tired.

That’s why I reckon that my favourite part of the day, these past couple of weeks, is lunch break – where I feel accomplished for finishing some work and then sit alone on the riverbank with my feet in water, drinking freshly pressed sweet orange juice.

Have to say, I’m in no rush to lose this peace of mind. So even though I met this really nice Romanch (Surselvish) man, I am in no mood to think different than a friend I can hang out with (unless shown reason to think otherwise). Such a strange feeling this sort of complete detachment from desires. I am beginning to rediscover myself under a new light – and this light just goes “let me be, I am more than sufficient, I have no energy for anyone but I”. Well, ok… conversations are welcome, provided it’s meaningful.

I dare say… I’m really too comfortable this way. I just love being single! Well, most of the time, when I’m not at a friend’s wedding! No tension, no pressure, no stress – it’s an oddly satisfying feeling.

Surprisingly, male acquaintances who previously stressed that they wish to be single are trying to persuade me differently. Which is really perplexing when they hypocritically try to push: “but wouldn’t it be nice to come back home to someone?” Yes of course it would be, that’s why I wanted a relationship and that’s why I am single! Again! Now I look at them and say – “that’s why I have Poochie.”

My dog is someone. And she causes less anxiety than when I am dating or in a relationship with someone human. I don’t have to deal with complications, nor do I have to deal with “what’s for dinner”, or be perplexed by hot/cold attitude, mood swings, vague affirmations, and weird communications. I am beginning to think that I don’t want to be in a relationship unless the guy has same reaction that Poochie has when she sees me after a while – so excited that she jumps on me, licking my face, and sometimes pees a little in her excitement too. *I am totally smirking in public while writing this*

Being single is fun. I’ve stopped cooking too. Now I associate cooking with a fancy evening in, where I’ll take myself on a candlelight date on the balcony, with me, myself and I.

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