Day 33: Friendship is tricky – The Single Woman’s Diary

One day you’re a part of a group and next day you are forgotten. This is simply because people are egotistical. Everyone thinks of themselves. No one thinks of including anyone unless they are really invested in them. And most importantly, everyone has a different definition of the word friend, based on understanding where we stand with our friend, we approach and treat friends all differently in our own way.

It is truly almost impossible to find true friends these days. As ego takes over us all, and we humans are inherently self-obsessed. Some have ego at a higher dose, manifesting in random bursts!

Egotistical people are often manipulative and narcissistic. They are good at brainwashing and gaining sympathy. “I care for you hence out of care I was wondering are you doing the right thing? What about this, what about that” – and seeds of doubt are sown in your mind. Behind that fake care, is the real face-fugly. Based on that, you should keep your eyes open for people who try to derail you, and people with double standards. They were never friends. They don’t care about you.

Important to remember: out of sight, out of mind. This is true to all people who won’t take time out for you. Remember, just because you hang-out with some people often, doesn’t mean they are your friends. Fun time everyone will stand by you – check who’s by you in times of distress and sorrow, as much as there to celebrate your wins and happinesses, without sabotaging your shining moments. It’s not to use each other as a laughing stock when it is obviously not the moment to crack jokes. Friendship is in laughing away tense atmosphere that has been floating around in the room, and cheering each-other on to be our best-selves. Learn to separate real friends from pretences, and the ones you have outgrown. To do that, you must know yourself first.

So, most importantly, get to know yourself. You don’t have friends unless you know who you truly are. No one can save your soul unless you are aware of your own-self. The best way to know yourself is through honesty. Be honest to yourself about who you truly are. Have the courage to face your fears, discrepancies, your weak and your ugly side. Honesty towards you and hence towards others around you. Once you do that, you will attract the right people. People who understand you. People who cherish you. People who want you around.

Often we feel we are not meant to be in a group as group dynamics are too stressful. Then don’t follow the group. You be you. What is important is this that you find yourself and once you do that you are rooted. You know where you stand and you won’t be influenced by any group or any toxicity. Trips and parties with groups don’t show you who your friends are. You can have good times (recreational) and succumb to peer pressure due to your need and want to please these people (and end up being disliked by many) cause you want a friend and you behaved in a way to accommodate the said friend, but in the process you lost sight of everything and everyone else – so easy to get used if you haven’t met yourself first and become your own friend first. My two cents, don’t even bother anymore to establish another superficial relationship in which you only meet up to complain to one another and indulge in daily gossip. When your heart glows seeing a person you call a friend and you know it’s the same for them, that’s friendship.

I used to be the kind who tried very hard to please people. Cause I wanted friends. Cause I wanted peace. With time I learnt my lessons… betrayal is hard-hit when it’s from a friend you trusted and you see that trust being chewed up and spat out!

To me, friendship isn’t about seeing each-other on a regular basis nor to see one-another only when tipsy or wasted during the weekends. Or enforce a weekly/bi-weekly must-get-together. Nope. My friends and I go with the flow. We stand by each-other in solidarity. Accepting each-other the way we are, standing together. Together we are strong. But that strength came from knowing and finding our selves first.

Now I am just a woman who has learnt to be patient and know the right kind of people from wrong. With time I learnt to speak up and today I won’t put my own opinion on ice to comply with others. Your true friends will respect you for opposing them when they mess up. That’s true friendship. They won’t judge you and ask you to do things differently based on their own perception and moral grounds. No. That’s not a true friend. True friends aren’t just there for parties and trips and funerals, faking care as they’re just standing there to show support but internally wishing you more harm as you don’t comply to their wishes. No. True friends accept you the way you are without trying to change you, without trying to impose their perspectives and opinions on you.

Once you have figured yourself out – everything falls in place.

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