Today’s Tinder-generation (and that’s a broad age spectrum, not just 20 year olds – includes those going to be 40 and 50 soon) are all swimming in a “hookup culture”. Plenty of fish in the sea, so no need to settle. It lacks depth and promotes “temporary”. Sufficing ones need when and where possible.
I see young women closing up to the possibility of a permanent long-term relationship. They don’t allow themselves to feel. Two weeks back, an acquaintance confirmed that she gets scared to let her emotion show. She is scared to let her walls down. All because she is scared that men will break her heart at the first chance they get. You will call it a tragedy – yet I understand her. Surely can’t bring myself to imagine what might make a person, so young, be so scarred and thus scared to fall in love. But I get it. I get it that they don’t want to hurt and feel heartbreaking-blinding pain that can last for weeks if not months! It’s a helpless feeling.
It takes so much courage to allow oneself to be vulnerable. Knowing there’s no certainty of forever and yet having the courage to put ones guard down – I did that too. 3 times in my life and all the 3 times brutally destroyed. Last one was the hardest. Love hits differently when you are older.
I, of all people, I understand why my acquaintance breaks up with her beau before she can fall in love.
So her longest “relationship” was of 3 months. And she is barely 22. In her words – “the only heartbreak I allowed myself to feel, was when my best-friend cut all ties with me.”
Another friend in his mid-30’s is continuously swimming trough young women throwing themselves at him. Good looking, tall, handsome, with a good job – he’s a catch and he gets girls up to 15 years younger, falling head-over-heels for him – but he doesn’t care. He prefers a new doll for a new week. Sworn to stay eternally single and drinks up to Tinder at every chance of a “prost”!
I respect their choices and see where they come from. Most importantly I have observed that my friends who seriously depend and enjoy hookup culture, have not met themselves yet. Or rather – they aren’t allowing themselves to meet the person they are. How can you love another if you haven’t loved yourself? How can you show courage if you haven’t done something courageous for yourself? We are so scared to feel these emotions that we are shutting off and finding solace in every easy-way-out: hook-ups. Random, no strings attached, hook-ups.
I can only stand by my friends and support their choices – and be ready to hold them if they need a pillar to lean on. As for I? Hook-up isn’t my thing. From the lovely lessons I have learnt and experiences I made, I am convinced that it’s about time to remove myself permanently from this dating game. I love meeting new people, having a good conversation – but that’s where I draw my line. I wish them well and if I can, I will help them meet people they can possibly like/chase/hook-up/fall-for.
It’s a wise decision, I’ve been told. Hence I have chosen to abstain, as I have chosen to be in an all-strings-attached healthy relationship with me.