Yesterday I met a very wise young lady for lunch. As we sat on the riverbank under blazing sun, talking about life and how some of us are born with this feeling that we are here to teach how to feel while others are here to teach us how to self love: we bonded.
Our need to pass on our heritage and knowledge to those who we can nurture… Makes some of us women instinctively maternal, and hence, want children and experience motherhood with all its ups and downs, and responsibilities. Unfortunately, in today’s world people just stoped caring about having children. A choice we support for our fellow women, women who don’t want children, but we know – it is not for us. Unpopular desire: we both want a child of our own. Often, our choices are influenced by “well wishers” who try to derail us from our innate desires. “Why? Why do they do that?” – I asked. She replied, “because they are threatened that their friend might embark on the next phase of life while they are still stuck trying to figure things!”
Here’s the thing. I am beginning to understand how people behave when they feel threatened and jealous. And I am beginning to see how that jealousy is disguised as “care” to sow seeds of doubts in a weak person’s mind. It is almost a baffling and spectacular phenomenon to behold, when identified in social-anthropology context.
After catching up with stories of recent heartbreaks, she asked – “How do you feel Dee?” And all I could say was – “bitter”.
But here’s a take-away from our joint toxic breakup experiences: If you are starting a relationship with someone, ask them this – “when in doubt, who is that one person that you go to?”
Whoever they say they go to – do not, I repeat, do not point out any of that person’s discrepancy infront of the said potential relationship. No matter how wrong, how problematic, how abusive that “trusted advisor” is – learn to avoid confrontation if your said guy/girl is incapable of seeing any flaws in that advisor. Find a different excuse to break up, but don’t question the authenticity of that person that they hold up on a pedestal. Always remember – who one looks up to, for advice, is the one that they subconsciously seek to become.
ANTHROPOLOGY OF LOVE 