Day 20: Time – The Single Woman’s Diary

Today I have zero time. Home office, can’t get up. In my whole life I’ve never been as sick as the past one month, and I keep thinking when that lady at work looks at me all judgy ‘cause I take a bit longer in the loo (reaction from medication): I’m simply going to put an “out of order” post-it on my forehead and just call it a day!

It’s not art, it’s a minor-f, art.” – that was Daniel this morning commenting on TikTok trend of Blue Steel look. All while I’m in bed with a pulsing headache, sweating profusely, and shivering as I’m cold at the same time, along with muscle ache due to my 2nd vaccine. Plus point? I’m fully Moderna bioengineered from inside. I was reading something that said “Could CRISPR be the next virus killer?” – with my minimum knowledge in biology I found it fascinating to read.

Yes. Some of us crazies just read anything and everything cause so much to know and barely any time! I mean, if my health permits, and going by the average longevity in my family, I’ll live till 85. And I’m already mid 30s. I have 50years to read and learn everything I can in the languages that I can master. And I still want to learn Italian and Dutch – and my German still sucks donkey-balls! So much to do and I don’t have time.

A very good friend, I’ll just call him Samichlaus, always says – “put on your big-girl-panties and show them who you are”. At the beginning I’d be like – “but I don’t want to put on my big girl panties! ‘Cause (a) they are ugly and (b) I don’t want to deal with shit all the time! I mean, can’t things just get resolved automatically?”

Well, it’s his way of saying, – “you can face anything, you can do anything you set your mind to. I know you well enough to know so.” Fair enough, but sometimes just falling apart is so much needed in order to properly put oneself back – I mean, I barely survived yesterday and it’s already today! And I’m physically broken. Emotionally exhausted, yet looking good when I walk out of home, and doing my work and studies, and smile, pay my bills, take care of my dog, keep my calm when and where needed, – I am this close to a nervous breakdown, – if I don’t just lay in bed doing nothing. Yet, as that cliché saying goes: you don’t know how strong a person can be, until there’s no other option but being strong.

Such a pity! More than money, I feel time should be a valid currency.

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