What should I write about? This struggle is eternal. I came across a poet yesterday who basically took his heartbreak and made a bestseller out of it. I was like – “what a comeback, now she’s doomed to read your name everywhere”! Now here’s the thing, she might actually like it. But that is not something that can be said about men.
Look at Daniel. His date bailed on him and he ended up doing push-ups. He doesn’t do any exercise. Any. His idea of an exercise is going downstairs to get croissants from Tony’s. He did push ups! Cause his date bailed! Men are fascinating creatures.
I think this should be it, daily observations of people around me. How they act in love. How I reflect on love and relationships. After all, this blog is called “anthropology of love”!
So the first spot goes to one of my favourite humans I met over Tinder about a year ago, and over time – got to appreciate how unbelievably calm, considerate, kind and unhurried he truly is. T. He has a special place in my heart cause the man doesn’t know how to date. Or so I choose to believe. Some of us are socially awkward, particularly around people we aren’t sure we want to date – and he obviously can’t hide his indecisiveness about me. But he is well past his “building up phase to be a better provider” some would argue. Perhaps. Then the issue is this, being single for long is so uncomplicated and blissful that it takes a really good pull-of-the-heart and complete mind-boggle to get attached to someone enough to go out-of-the-way to show you care or even put any effort to date.
Clearly I’m the romantic kind, and I’m not ashamed of it. I’m a sucker for grand-gestures, surprises, thoughtfulness, a quick pull-in for a hug when no ones looking, an unexpected kiss that takes me by surprise – nothing that’s materialistic but rather emotion, gestures, kindness, loving-attention. I find it rather attractive and value it immensely when someone trusts me enough to show their emotional side. Their vulnerability. Their strength. Their true self.
Then there’s a fine-line there – narcissists do it for other reasons than a person who is truly invested. The fine-line can only be seen with caution and focus. Red-flags from toxic-narcissists cannot be avoided, trust your intuition.
Anyway. Coming back to my observations as a mid-30s woman. Usually I know men in their project building phase of life where they have zero time for relationships but plenty for one-night-stands. And since I am not the one-night-stand kind of person (tried it, didn’t like it), I end up not getting any time for anyone, anymore. (Hmmm… love bombing is truly a technique developed to trap the ones like I – now I see it, how else can you get my attention? Here’s a tip: COMMUNICATE CLEARLY. Zero games. How about that, eh?) So no time for anything but becoming something/someone is what pretty much every man in their 30s and 40s do, so women in their mid-30s end up alone if and when they look for men their age. Rarely it ever works.
So single heterosexual Swiss women my age wanting family and children, – tough luck. If you didn’t find someone when you were in your mid 20’s, and able to keep him, most likely you won’t find anyone for the rest of your life. You can move to a new continent and restart your life there, – that’s way easier than even getting a gynaecologist to give you more info on single parenthood and/or getting artificially inseminated in Switzerland (cause traditional family system is by law supported far more than single parenting)! Let alone finding your “soulmate” !!!!! I often tell my friends that “seeing how I fare in relationships, I’m born without one!” – soulmate that is.
The other day HK tried to convince me that I should date men in their 20s ‘cause I look a decade younger than my age, and apparently late 20’s are far more mentally stable than 30-up. Less baggage.
“All right, all right, all right…. That’s what I love about these high schoolers, man. I get older, they stay the same age.” (Matthew McConaughey).
ANTHROPOLOGY OF LOVE 