When I look back at these 18 days, I have noticed a pattern amidst support and resistance. Supporters have been downright kind and are empathetic to the situation I have been through, or silent readers who wrote to me in person with love and encouragement.
While resistance came from those who show some/same amount of toxicity in dating patterns, daily lives, attitude towards life in general. Or has been desensitised by toxicity due to their non-stop exposure to it. Some even scared of being exposed by other women/men. Some judgemental cause they see their character in the mirror through my writing.
This combination is truly fascinating. Are we humans really that black and white in our morals? About 8-billion of us, and we all have somebody to blame, but do we stand up and point at ourselves in the mirror and say, “you know what? I’m actually a part of this problem?”
In this blog I did that. I pointed at my own incapability to see the pattern and fall for the same type of man – again.
I was seeing a video this morning (sent by B, a friend I look up to). It talked about us being a bunch of entitled individuals who sit around saying we deserve a better world but are doing nothing to create it. The video talks about how dysfunction is not new but has been forever present in human society. It is only visible today because dysfunctional behaviours are being documented more than before (example, anthropologyoflove.blog – went from paper and pen journaling to journal blogging within the past 3 decades). Domestic violence isn’t new, women have been mistreated by misogynists, entitled, egotistical, arrogant pricks, manipulated, bullied, broken and even killed for centuries – only difference now is that women are standing up and fighting. Exposing it.
There are many who’ll sit around crying when they get dumped but will never say anything against the toxic relationship they/we put ourselves through cause – this has been going on forever, isn’t it the normal way? No. It is not normal. We, by keeping our mouth shut and accepting it, we make it normal. But there must be a compromise? What? You want an open relationship and then produce more toxicity with a larger group of people? Pacific garbage island way? As long as it’s floating and out of sight it doesn’t matter?
Maybe, you will just say “boys will be boys”, “women are so complicated”, “it’s just the way it is”; Or, are we going to stand up and say “enough is enough”, “you don’t like my tone, you check your attitude”!
Oh yes, that does sound like conflict. Strategic communication will say – “bad move, that’s not how you bring people on table to communicate”!
Here’s the thing though, if someone has the courage to communicate after doing ill, they show an unparalleled strength of character. If they avoid doing so, and hide behind strategies, manipulation, and fake profiles, stalking, and all…. that’s who they are. That’s what they grew up idolising.
More we strategise, and hide our actual thoughts in fear of being called “childish” and “brash” and “emotional”, the more we give power to manipulation and toxicity. Your fear for standing up for yourself, particularly in romantic-relationships, to lack the courage to metaphorically slap back when punched in your gut, is what makes you miserable. Change that.
Perhaps it’s that what our world lacks. Courage and Honesty! Courage to speak out loud and honesty to be able to articulate without exaggeration or manipulation of the truth. But then lawyers and communication-strategists would lose their jobs if everyone showed courage and honesty. And we all want people to keep their jobs, don’t we?
The pain I went through the past weeks, is not insignificant or delusional – it is this pain that got me asking – “isn’t there a better way? What can I do to not function in loop? Same type of men, twice! What can I do to make sure none of my friends (boy or girl) goes through this situation?” Well, the question truly is this: at what point do you want to break this circle? At what point do you stop doing what your direct habitat has taught you to do and accept? At what point do you wash off your social conditioning and be able to live free? It is who you follow, what you take as an example, is what defines you.
To be honest, today, I would have questioned the sanity of my blog if I only received praises. So thank you to those who showed resistance. So here it is, I am standing up and breaking a cycle exposing characteristics of problematic individuals that I had ever so willingly welcomed into my life – it is the resistance of people who identify themselves with those who are inherently toxic; this is what makes me know how important this blog truly is.
No matter how much Yoga and Meditation you do, you won’t get inner peace unless you face your demons and fears head-on. Remember that. Thus today…. Your resistance becomes mine, watch me as I break this cycle.