Day 9 : Feeling – The BreakUp

So the whole time that I was going through turbulence of emotions, heart wrenching pain of a sudden breakup, I didn’t feel any physical pain. This weekend, Saturday onwards, I started to feel a bit better. Emotionally more stable. What a surprise – this morning I woke up with a calm mind and the lingering pain on my right upper thigh was back!

So, I made some calls and have a doctors appointment. Something I hate doing – going to a doctor. I hate it. I have a kind of inexplicable fear of medics/doctors/anyone in that profession – in general.

To be fair, when you have doctors in your family, you don’t quite need to visit complete strangers and explain your ailment. But since I am a Swiss and I do live in Switzerland – and the rest of the family is pretty much everywhere else on earth, alone I have a responsibility towards myself despite my fear of a stranger handling my body and telling me what to do with it. But I guess I have to face that fear and start adulting?

My ex-BF did try to treat it one evening with physiotherapy (very thankful for that) but – didn’t work. So doctor it is.

“You’re in pain which means you’re alive. And that you can get better.”

Little did I know that getting over emotional pain would mean feeling muscle cramps again!

This hurts. This hurts definitely!

**Still a bit raging, how can someone go from this high level of care to nothing at all? How cruel one must be to be able to do that. This time, though it hurts, it hurts more physically. More acceptance. I’m well towards a good healing. Every-time I see him online and know he hasn’t replied to my messages, the more it helps me realise how I dodged a bullet. Angry. Very angry. I trusted him! I was such a fool to trust him. All what he promised. All what he said. Meant nothing. Then again. I was married to someone who couldn’t keep his promises, how could I expect this person to? Lesson learnt. Not everyone deserves your trust. But then, how do you tell who to trust and who not to?**

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