Woke up to my heart pounding. I’ve lost 6 kgs since Friday. I used to weigh 61.5, now I’m 55.3 kgs. Now that I am awake, I can’t help but ask myself – why do I feel so much for him? And why did he pursue me despite knowing my priorities from day one that we started chatting on Tinder.
Yes, I met him on Tinder. Swiped right one drunk evening out with my girlfriend after Uni and work, didn’t even find him particularly attractive then – but something about his smile and eyes had caught my attention. He reminded me of “Ferdinand the Bull”.
I loved him because of that – because of his calming effect on me, a person with ADHD. And perhaps that, that allowed me to lower my walls – to trust him. To believe he would never manipulate me into anything. Not even apologising to those who were unreasonably against me.
I can’t stop checking my phone. Did he write? How is he doing? Is he alright?
Some clothes have memories. I already threw away three of them while packing-up to leave. But now, while getting ready to go to work, everything reminds me of him. His touch, his kisses, his teases, his loving words… everything. Including the Scrooge he is! And I can’t help but cry. Cause I really thought it would be us. Us together. Or so I was led to believe.
Must invest in a waterproof mascara.
This hurts. This hurts differently.